Controversy

This story republished with the permission of The Mostly True Press Association.

Amid the flurries of the last few days in Michigan there seems to be a flurry of accusations levied against the Garmin Virtual Training Partner by Gene Butcher who has made public his claims that Garmin Virtual Training Partner is cheating. “There is some shady goings on happening out there these days” claims Butcher. “I would hate to make a false accusation here but I am pretty sure Garmin Virtual Partner is using some form of performance enhancing substances” Butcher adamantly states from behind a balaclava covered face. Butcher claims that on several occasions Garmin Virtual Training Partner has somehow altered the lap time to appear faster than he actually is, “Its either that or Garmin Virtual Training Partner is ingesting meth-amphetamines prior to race time, either way there is some poppy-cock and skull-duggery going on around here.” The final straw was a race that occurred yesterday in what some would consider a vicious blizzard. Garmin Virtual Training Partner attacked early in the race and left Butcher in a snow squall, Butcher tried in vain several times to close the gap but fell short finishing about a minute behind Garmin Virtual Training Partner. “My plan was to pull up wheel to wheel and deliver a crippling kidney punch, that’s the only way I can beat him….especially since he is gaining the upper hand in an underhanded kind of way” Butcher said.

The highly reclusive Garmin Virtual Training Partner could not be reached for comment.