Amid The Controversy, Garmin Virtual Training Partner Fires Back

If tension was thermal heat, Michigan would be in the grip of an unusual mid winter thaw.  Tensions between Garmin Virtual Training Partner and little known former tubby man Gene Butcher have reached a fervent crescendo.  Garmin Virtual Training Partner issued a written statement on Monday morning which took over 24 hours to translate since it was written in an amalgamation of binary code, HTML, and Java Script.  Garmin Virtual Training Partner calls the accusations made by Butcher “Totally Whack, preposterous, egregious and a blatant attempt to smear my good name.”  Butcher again is calling for testing and a neutral third party to check some disparity in times between he and Garmin Virtual Training Partner.  “Look facts are facts, GVTP has figured a way to manipulate the system…either that or he has mastered String Theory and has found a way to disrupt the time space continuum, I mean he is smart but not that smart so I am sticking with my original claim of cheating either by time or by performance enhancing substances” Butcher again claimed. 

Calls have been placed to some of the premier Physicists in the nation to see if indeed a worm hole could indeed generate the time discrepancies that Butcher is claiming.  Again on Saturday and Sunday Butcher and Garmin Virtual Training Partner had at each other, again on the snow blown winding path simply referred to as “The Springs” for hours they battled it out and at one point where wheel to wheel for the majority of the day until Butcher had an inopportune problem where he had to slow as to avoid striking some cross country skiers.  This allowed Garmin Virtual Training Partner the leverage he needed to cinch the day.  Garmin Training Partner dismissed the incident stating “He didn’t get slowed down he bonked, he is using the skiers as an excuse.”  Garmin Virtual Training Partner is also hurling accusations back at Butcher “The guy only eats fruits and vegetables…is that even permissible?  Is it even safe?”  Since these are unregistered and unsanctioned events there is no governing body that will intercede with this hotly contested series.  “This is unfortunate” Butcher calmly spoke from the warmth of his running vehicle after the race “If we let him get away with this here he will think he can get away with it anywhere.”  Butcher vowed “Absolute vindication, either through investigation or through the decimation of Garmin Virtual Training Partner at The Springs…I will have my day.”

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4 thoughts on “Amid The Controversy, Garmin Virtual Training Partner Fires Back

  1. I think I know what’s happening. GVTP is altering time. Think back to the troubles of your other training partner, iPod. Unlike humans, iPod and GVTP have no inner strength to call up to fight off the cold. iPod froze up while you kept going. GVTP simple shuts himself down, hence his time is less than yours. When these nano electronic marvels don’t have the internal will, no amount of RAM, or ROM or Gigs or ANT + Sport technology will fill the gap. They have no choice but to quit (iPod) or cheat (GVTP). That said, he is the training partner that never stands you up for a ride.

    Know your adversary, understand his shortcomings, but embrace him anyway. Who the hell else will ride with us in this kind of weather?

  2. Great rivalries … Lafeyette v Lehigh, Yale v Harvard, Army v Navy, Ohio State v Michigan, Celtics v Lakers, Yankees v Red Sox, Bruins v Canadiens, and now … Butcher v GVTP.

  3. This reminds me of the epic battle between Chip Time and Gun Time. The only way they solved THAT miserable hashout was by introducing Garmin to the race. Now that Garmin’s own GVTP is choosing sides, I fear that a new war is beginning.

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