If you ever try to use your face as a brake pad leaving you with very obvious facial abrasions, lacerations and bruising I suggest the following excuses which sound infinitely more awesome than “I fell on my bike.”
10. Bear attack
9. Bar fight
8. Curling iron accident (made funnier by the fact I shave my head)
7. Meteor hit me in the face
6. Burns received when I was rescuing 3 dozen kids from a burning orphanage
5. Bazooka blast injury
4. Homemade flame thrower gone wrong
3. Rabid penguin attack
2. Jousting accident
1. Necrotizing Fasciitis then quickly say “Now come here and give me a smooch”
100 Pounds Ago 
I’ll have to print this and save it for my son. He, er, has a remarkable tendancy to stop himself with his face. At one point my two kids (3 and 5 at the time) were having a boxing match were they were hitting in the chest region. I used this as a learning opportunity to teach The Boy (younger) to keep his arms up and cover his face, you know, in case he got hit in the head. The Girl decided that this was authorization to then HIT HIM IN THE FACE. Whereapon he lowered his hands. Sigh.
Gene, your verbal genius and unique bad ass savoir faire continue to impress. I’m stealing the phrase “holy hell cakes” until further notice. Twisted Spoke
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