“Fat Gene”

Posted: June 21, 2010 in Daily Weirdness

I am not exactly certain when it happened, I cannot recall a specific day or minute or second.  The time I cannot recall is the day, minute or second in which my personality split.  Two separate people began to exist, however one is in the present tense and one in the past.  Allow me to explain before you petition for my psychological committal, the two personalities I am referring to is the character or persona named “Fat Gene” past tense the other is just plain “Gene” present tense.  It started innocently enough I would run across someone at a meeting or a training and that person would introduce themselves an I in turn would tell them that we have already met…several times….to which they would respond with looks of confusion and I would reply “Oh? Well I think you may have met “Fat Gene” and the persona started to become quite popular and “Fat Gene” can be blamed for a myriad of past transgressions.  For example “Did you break the lawn chair?”  My response “No that must have been ‘Fat Gene’ who broke it.”  See how easy this works?  I suggest that everyone who has lost weight create a separate personality in the past tense that you can blame everything on.  I do feel bad for “Fat Gene” though he was such a miserable person “Fat Gene” could not do the things that just plain Gene can do like play soccer in the yard for hours with his son, or ride his bike for hours on end without the threat of cardiac arrest, or operate at a fire without vomiting and near collapse due to exhaustion.  “Fat Gene” sucked at things on so many levels he couldn’t even tie his shoes without smashing his lungs against a bunch of stomach fat and losing his breath.  “Fat Gene”……never again will he be allowed to live in the present tense.

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