Breakup Letter

Dear Fat and Gasoline,

I know I have been distant lately and for good reason, I want you both to know that its not you…its me. As much as that sounds like a cliché it’s totally true. Ok, well not 100% true since I really cant stand either of you but I wanted this to be a letter to let you both down gently. While I know we have had our good times and we have had our bad it was only when the bad started to far outnumber the good that I realized I need to grow as a person (or shrink as the case may be) and move on from the grasp that both of you had on me. We will always share the memories (as painful as they may be) of sitting in a car at the drive thru window waiting to be served pound after pound of Fat. My grossly overweight butt sitting in the car just waiting to get fatter while burning gallon after gallon of Gasoline. We are done, for I have found two different loves, loves that build me up and make me happy. I know this has to be hard for you both but you want me to be happy right? You want me to live a long healthy life free of medication and illness right? You have to let me go, I am moving on to Vegetables and Bikes. The hurt you both are feeling will heal with time and unfortunately you will move on to someone else and you will burden them as you have burdened me for so many years. This is my final good bye, I would prefer if we made a clean break and just left it at that. No further communication between us is wanted or needed.


5 thoughts on “Breakup Letter

  1. Gene,

    You are one VERY CREATIVE person! Love the letter and your message!

    I truly wish that all the lovely folks from Michigan would write their OWN “Breakup Letter” too … and say “Goodbye!” to FAT & GASOLINE & “Hello!” to VEGETABLES & BIKES just like YOU have!

    I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again: “YOU ROCK, GENE!”


  2. Great letter, Gene. I’m in the process of writing one just like it to a couple of areas in my life, including fat, that I am telling to get the hell out for good too. Supposedly, this is very therapeutic. We shall see.


  3. Hilarious. Good on ya. I now imagine Fat and Gasoline in their batcave (because I know they’re shackin’ up) getting your letter and spluttering and moping. I’m sure they’re going to about trying to give Doritos to little kids out of a van with blacked out windows tomorrow. Bastards.

  4. Hilarious post Gene. I went through a similar breakup 2 years ago. Only I keep having relapses and having guilty one-night stands with Fat. Which could explain why I’ve only lost 40 pounds, not 100. But I’ll keep working on it – you’re the living proof it can be done!

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