Do you remember where you where on October 3, 2009? I do…. I’ll never forget. It is one of those dates that will forever be an indelible mark on my heart and mind. I stood in my living room on the phone with a Battalion Chief who was trying to tell me there was a Rescue unit at my parent’s house….”It does not look good……”
A year is approaching….a year since he died. A year that has, at times, passed like a blink and other times has felt as if one particular day would never end so I could have a new one to start with. That sick feeling that bored through my stomach when I was on the phone that cool autumn afternoon has yet to disappear. It’s still there every single day reminding me I have to press on, there are places to go and things I simply must accomplish. Just because I want the world to stop spinning for a while so I can adjust my bearings, does not mean that it will. Life pushes you forward creating moments that you can either waste or use. I have learned a lot about myself this year, some good things and some bad things. I have felt the depths of despair the likes of which I had never experienced or even knew existed like it or not they are there. I found strength in myself which I had hoped and prayed I would never need, I could have gone my whole life not coming close to having to summon that strength. I have seen true courage in the eyes of my family members and I am proud of each and every one of them.
This year has also showed me who my true friends are, sadly some of who I thought where friends slipped away into the periphery of my life and some others have stepped in and went to the mat for me and my family. Such is life I suppose, some can hack it others cannot. It has been a year of trials and tribulations which I found this quote and leave it with you.
“Courage doesn’t always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow”
-Mary Ann Radamacher