A Year

Do you remember where you where on October 3, 2009?  I do…. I’ll never forget.  It is one of those dates that will forever be an indelible mark on my heart and mind.  I stood in my living room on the phone with a Battalion Chief who was trying to tell me there was a Rescue unit at my parent’s house….”It does not look good……”

A year is approaching….a year since he died.  A year that has, at times, passed like a blink and other times has felt as if one particular day would never end so I could have a new one to start with.  That sick feeling that bored through my stomach when I was on the phone that cool autumn afternoon has yet to disappear.  It’s still there every single day reminding me I have to press on, there are places to go and things I simply must accomplish.  Just because I want the world to stop spinning for a while so I can adjust my bearings, does not mean that it will.  Life pushes you forward creating moments that you can either waste or use.  I have learned a lot about myself this year, some good things and some bad things.  I have felt the depths of despair the likes of which I had never experienced or even knew existed like it or not they are there.  I found strength in myself which I had hoped and prayed I would never need, I could have gone my whole life not coming close to having to summon that strength.  I have seen true courage in the eyes of my family members and I am proud of each and every one of them. 

This year has also showed me who my true friends are, sadly some of who I thought where friends slipped away into the periphery of my life and some others have stepped in and went to the mat for me and my family.  Such is life I suppose, some can hack it others cannot.  It has been a year of trials and tribulations which I found this quote and leave it with you.

“Courage doesn’t always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow” 
-Mary Ann Radamacher

7 thoughts on “A Year

  1. “Why, such a man is lamented alike by the young and the elders. And all his city goes into mourning and grieves for his loss. His tomb is pointed to with pride, and so are his children, and his children’s children, and afterward all the race that is his. His shining glory is never forgotten, his name is remembered. And he becomes an immortal, though he lies under the ground.”
    Tyrtaeus of Sparta 7th century BCE

    Keep your memories, and your father’s honor, alive for you and your children. IT sucks beyond measure. But as you quoted, only you can try again tomorrow …

  2. Thanks for sharing, Gene. You show quiet courage by sharing what you have been through. Reminded me of what I went through when my own father died, ten years ago. I still hear in my head, and see him when I look in the mirror. And I quote him often. It’s a joy and a privilege to keep alive the legacy of extraordinary men (and everyone’s father is extraordinary, in his own way).

  3. We may not be able to be there with you in person but we always will be in spirit. My condolences on your Dad Gene. I do remember when it happened and how powerful the loss was. You’ve done well my brother.

  4. I know where I was on this date; I was with your wife, my neice and we were at Camp Barakel. I was with her when she got the call and saw the look of horror and shock on her face. AFter she hung up, she cried and we all hugged. We then packed up and headed for home so she could be with you. She loved your father very much. God Bless you Gene, Love Aunt ginny

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