Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,

I know it’s a little early to write to you and give you my Christmas list this year but I figure you would be cool with it because Target already has Christmas decorations out in their store. I don’t always subscribe to the Target stores method of seasonal changes but I have quite list this year and some really expensive stuff so I thought I would give you as much advance notice as possible so you can reward my awesome “good behavior” over the last year. I know you are going to check that list twice and each time you will see my name on the very tippy top of the “good” and nary a mark will be found on the “bad” side….ok ok fine I know there was a time or two I misbehaved…your not going to begrudge me that are you? Ok here is my list and this year just like last year you can expect some gluten free, egg free vegan cookies and some almond milk at the bottom of my chimney. I am also going to leave you the E-2 book and an American Diabetes Association cookbook, to be frank and honest with you I have some deep concerns about your health.

You will notice that everything on this list is cycling related which should not come as a surprise to anyone really.

1.  I ride to work everyday now and when I leave in the morning it is quite dark still.  I could use some new lights for my bike just like the Mininewt.700

2.  Speaking of darkness I could really use a new monster bright jacket.  Mine has seen better days and is in need of retirement.  I would like the Sugoi Helium jacket….yellow please! 

3.  While your elves are stitching the Sugoi Helium jacket together why not have them also thow the Sugoi Neo in your sleigh as well?  It looks nice and warm and since Michigan winters rival North Pole winters I am sure you can appreciate a nice warm jacket? 

4.  I could really use some nice socks for those long winter commutes by bike.  My old smartwool socks are done…finished….kaput.  I like the socks this dude has.  The crazier the style the better I say…why be normal? 

5.  I was starting to think that all jersey makers pretty much sucked until I got my ADA Tour de Cure jersey….love that thing.  So I will pretty much take anything thing from here.

6.  I am pretty sure the Giro Prolight would look really good on me while protecting my melon.

7.  You can pick which one of these you want to give me:  this one -or- this one

8.  The Chris King “Dreadset”…..this requires no explanation.

Thanks a bunch,

Gene

Breakup Letter

Dear Fat and Gasoline,

I know I have been distant lately and for good reason, I want you both to know that its not you…its me. As much as that sounds like a cliché it’s totally true. Ok, well not 100% true since I really cant stand either of you but I wanted this to be a letter to let you both down gently. While I know we have had our good times and we have had our bad it was only when the bad started to far outnumber the good that I realized I need to grow as a person (or shrink as the case may be) and move on from the grasp that both of you had on me. We will always share the memories (as painful as they may be) of sitting in a car at the drive thru window waiting to be served pound after pound of Fat. My grossly overweight butt sitting in the car just waiting to get fatter while burning gallon after gallon of Gasoline. We are done, for I have found two different loves, loves that build me up and make me happy. I know this has to be hard for you both but you want me to be happy right? You want me to live a long healthy life free of medication and illness right? You have to let me go, I am moving on to Vegetables and Bikes. The hurt you both are feeling will heal with time and unfortunately you will move on to someone else and you will burden them as you have burdened me for so many years. This is my final good bye, I would prefer if we made a clean break and just left it at that. No further communication between us is wanted or needed.

Gene